The coward

Before going to sleep last night, I thought about childhood friend all of sudden. He is a year older than me, and he lives right next door.

We used to play together along with my brother and his sister. Many stuff kids would do.

However, it changed when I was 10 maybe 12, my brother and I ran into him one afternoon at a local bookstore. Of course, at that age, we only go to book store to read comic books and gawk at toys they carry. He was putting books in his bag... I knew he was stealing, but I didn't stop him, I wasn't sure what to do, so I pretended not seeing that.

Then, he got caught by the store owner, I found an excuse and quickly left the store, letting him deal with the situation.

We stopped hanging out together after that, I felt ashamed every time I saw him, I felt that I let him down. Until years later, we got swamped by school.

I heard he is married with kids now, still living next door.

I thought about this last night and started to wonder, maybe this is how I handle situations I do not know how to handle. I just pretend it didn't happen and stop all communication. I pretend that annoying client doesn't exist, so I don't call him, I wouldn't call my gf after a huge fight 'cause i don't know how to handle the situation, I don't call my sick grandma, 'cause I don't know what to say to her...

I always thought I will not give up easily, but I guess if this is how I handle things, I am still running away from things. That still makes me a coward...

then... the insomnia came...