8/22/2015

Being Dad

Never thought this might be an easy job.  Never thought why I should be a dad someday.  In fact, in my twenties, I have always resist the idea of becoming a dad one day.  Its just too much responsibilities.  Plus, I hadn't seen my dad much since age 14, I was not sure what kind of dad i should be one day.

And then, things changed, friends started to have kids, and I thought maybe one day I could be a dad.

Then, I am a dad.

Watching my son growing has been a wonderful journey so far, although its still early in the game.

I still wonder why anyone would become a parent.  Not that it is a bad thing.

What do we see in our kids anyways?  Maybe my son is a time machine, he will take me back to the time I barely remember, do (or not do) the things I regretted doing, relive the things I loved so much.

Maybe my son fulfills that void I feel when I think about death and after life.  Knowing that my son will carry my DNA when my conscience is gone from this world into the vastly emptiness.

Maybe my son fills the need for me to feel that my life is progressing somewhere when my social and work life seems to settle down much.

Maybe my son serves as an anchor, settles me down wherever I go.

My mother always said "you will understand when you become a parent one day", after she dished out some kind of punishment.  I still don't understand what she meant, maybe its still early in the game.

2/09/2015

Its like a dream

It was like a dream, one day I wake up, there is a crying baby in the other room. 

Haven't even set the goals for 36, and here we are after 37, with a baby.  What is there to set as goals?  No time for me to think.

The fast forward button has been pressed, and there is no pause.  It will be painful and it will be exciting, and the best is yet to come.

If its a dream, either good or bad, I don't want to wake up yet.