Your Ex and my ex...

Most relationships end up in a ditch. Everyone of us will have someone to be cherished, to be remembered and to be forgotten...

And there is a time when you meet an amazing person and you wonder how the heck can this person be this perfect?

The answer? His/her ex.

Every relationships good, bad or ugly have shaped who we are today. Whether we like it or not, that person you want to forget may always be inside of you.

Of course, in every relationship, some will prefer to share their past, some will prefer to keep some to themselves. But, if you are in a great relationship, remember to thank the group of people who are behind the one who you are dating, they have helped created the magnificant creature you are with today.

想哭就到我懷裡哭 -- 庾澄慶

一個人逃避寂寞
兩個人渴望自由
到底該不該奔向你 懷裡的溫柔
還是就讓你失望的走
我沒有太多承諾
能讓你一夜好夢
擔心從今後你心痛 會不知所措
太多的惶恐又讓我們無法承受

* 想哭就到我懷裡哭
喔 就像一切都不會結束
讓彼此感覺不那麼孤獨
想哭就到我懷裡哭

* 喔 別把未來想得太清楚
那只會讓我越來越無助

詞: 何啟弘 曲: 庾澄慶

Type I error and Type II error...

I have always been a number guy, and I did quite well in my Statistics course back in university. I remember in one of the entry level Stats class, 2 types of errors were discussed.

A type I error occurs when one rejects the null hypothesis when it is true, and
A type II error occurs when one accepts the null hypothesis when it is false

If I put relationship into the discussion, it will look like this:

A type I error occurs when one rejects someone when he/she is the one, and
A type II error occurs when one accepts someone when he/she is NOT the one

I know a friend who makes type II errors all the time, jumping into relationships fast and furious, only to find out she is not the one. However, it is not to say he is wrong, 'cause if he never attempted, how would he know he has committed the type II error?

But most of my friends including myself most of the time, are committing type I error, we let things go by, let our feelings go away, even though we feel strongly towards someone, we will tell ourselves, he/she is not what I am looking for.

I think it is way easier to reject than to accept. You don't get hurt if you reject the possiblities and unkowns.

And my friend who used to commit type II errors? He found his true null hypothesis, fell in love, got married and started a family...

Where is my red coat?

I have been talking to many female friends recently, regarding relationship and men in their lives. And as we were discussing the qualification for my friend's next love over lunch, I realized that even though her conditions are pretty reasonably and long, it became apparent that it is a diffcult task. She is looking for:
age 27-35
with steady job
not terribly religious
taller than her (170+)
has similar background to her (tw, stayed in countries outside of tw for a prolong period of time)
doesn't want to get married in the next 6 months
does want to get married in the next 2 years

I told her, it is like you are trying to look for a perfect red coat for your fall wardrobe. You can clearly see that in your head, certain length, certain cutting... But when you limit yourself to that red coat, you have to look really hard for it.

There might only be a few stores that carry red coats, and fewer that carries the same length, and yet fewer that carries the same cutting. When you walk into the store, you might find fabric and buttons not to your liking, or even worse, the coat is perfect, but your size is not avaliable, ever...

So, I told her, try to relax, lay back a little, let FATE come to you, if you go out shopping without knowing exactly what you want to get, you might still get something really nice at the end of the day while your mental health is still intact.

I shared this anology to my creme brulee, she totally agreed with it, she said she had been searching for a white coat for 2 years, and finally found it in Japan. And in between those time, she had to settle with white coats she didn't really like. When I asked her, did you cherish it more than other coats, she said "of course, because I know how much I have tried to look for that coat, I take it with me everywhere I move..."

So, here is the verdict, you either relax and wait, or you go and look really hard, eventually, we all get what we want... hopefully...

80% sure and 100% sure...

After working at this great job for 15 months and 10 days, I am leaving it today.

The the experience has been extraordinary, I have learnt lending, investment, and how to put deals together. The staff around me were nice and helpful, which really helped my transition into this job 15 months ago. But the best part is to deal with successful individuals, listening to their stories has been a priceless adventure.

I have told my colleague that even at this point, I am only 80% sure that I want to leave this job, but I am 100% sure if I don't try this opportunity, I will regret it later.

The new job is a commission based position, but it has high potential, I am looking forward in making a bang in that area! It will be hard in the first couple of years, but I believe I am still young enough to make a few mistakes but old enough to know what I am doing...

Watch out World! A new Investment Advisor is coming to town!

More than Likely, less than Lovely....

Personally, I always find it very difficult to define where you are in a relationship. Do you like the person or do you love the person? It is important to know where you are in a relationship.

You know it might look romantic in a movie, when a man says to a woman, "I think you are the one and I Love you", on their first date. In real life, you will probably see that woman screaming and running away.

There are certain things that are appropriate to do at certain stage of relationship. Such as the "L" word (love), and the "F" word (future). But how do we define where we are and what are appropriate?

A relationship is like a hike on the mountain, hopefully towards someplace beautiful. While trying your best to avoid the cliffs and ditches (most relationships end up in one of those two places). The hike becomes more difficult when you both are in a dense fog. You are not sure the one you are with is ahead of you, beside you or behind you. If you cannot see that person around you and you receive no replies when you call out his/her name, you will feel lost and lonely.

The best practice to solve this problem? Reach your hand out and hold the other peron's hand, make sure both of you are comfortable where you are right now. Heck, it is better having two in the ditch then just you in the ditch. Communication is the key, so you can adjust your pace.

The worst type of loneliness is feeling lonely when you are in a relationship...

I am the icing on your creme brulee...

I have been dating this amazing girl for about a week. She is smart, caring, outgoing... We were talking about our worst fears, family background, and names of kids on our first date. Everything seemed so right and comfortable, everything felt so meant to be...

Except one thing, the timing, we were both in the stage of trying something entirely different, and relationship should not be on the top of our to do list.

We are trying to make sure each day counts before we head for different directions.

And she said the sweetest thing this morning... "although there are so many things on my plate right now, you are the icing on my creme brulee!"

That is so sweet...

Then, I thought, since when do we put icing on creme brulee?

If Love has expiry date...

This might not be a new concept to some, but I am not talking about 4 months expiry, so a guy can dump a girl because she is not "fresh" any more. (or vice versa)

If you believe in FATE and its mysterious way of doing things. You might agree with me that every couple have a "destined hours" together.

Here is the math, if A and B are meant to be together for 1000 hours. Depending on how they waste their hours, they can breakup in 3 months if they spend more than 10 hours each day together, or 3 years if they spend 1 hour each day.

Some will say "what are you saying? what about couples who are married for 50 years?" Sure, they get MORE hours than people who are just daing. Try to follow my math here, if a couple spend 50 years together, average 4 hours spent together, that is only 73000 hours! What happens next? Well, one of them will always die before the other, and the destined hours is spent.

I know it might sound depressing, but you have to remember a few things:

1)No one knows how many hours a couple have together, it is decided by Fate, not you,
2)Giving each other more space and time might help the relationship to last long, because you are burning off your hours slower. (not in hour term, but in duration term) Refer to my previous example, same 1000 hours, one couple breakup in 3 months, the other in 3 years!

In conclusion, if you don't know how many hours you were meant to have together. Why not try to enjoy every moment you have like the last hour you spend together, while at the same time, if you really like the person, why not strategically distribute the hours well by giving each other more spaces, so the relationship might last longer?

Mr. Big or Aidan?

During my spare time, I am hooked with watching episodes and episodes of "sex and the city". After a few seasons, a question came to me, if you are a woman, do you like "Mr. Big" or "Aidan"? If you are a man, do you want to be "Mr. Big" or "Aidan"?

For those who haven't watched "sex and the city", Mr. Big is the guy the main character, Carrie, met in the first episode, his best line is probably, "abso-fucking-lutely". He can be descirbed as older, charming, wealthy, romantic, and very much a player. Aidan is the other guy who had relationship with Carrie, he can be described as talented, loyal, caring, layback, and outdoor. Basically, Mr. Big is what every woman want as a boyfriend, and every man's idol, while Aidan is what every woman want as a husband, and every man's best friends.

As what I have expected, you can easily ask anyone the same question "Mr. Big or Aidan", and find out where they are in their life. For my friends who are settling down, Aidan is the one they want. For most of my friends, especially girls, like Mr. Big.

It bothers me though, 'cause if both men and women like Mr. Big, where do Aidans go?

For myself, I want to be Mr. Big, but I feel like Aidan most of the time. You can call me Mr.Big Wannabe, or Mr. Medium.

Happy Birthday to me!

That is right, I have survived 28 years on this planet.

Here is my to do list for the next 5 years (or wishlist if you are buying b day present for me):

My own place (either 200k condo or 300k townhouse)
BMW 325i (Mystic Blue or Jet Black)
Laser eye surgery (might need mental support)
Fall in love (yes, I still believe in love)
25 million portfolio (my clients', not mine)

The small list for this year:

Hit golf ball straight 80% of the time (at least with 7 ~ 9 irons)
Learn how to drive a stick (might need friends' cars)
Learn to play guitar (maybe self-learning?)
Make a new 5 year list (if the above doesn't work :) )

You can't kiss alone...

To answer my own question, "what can't you do alone?", I found the answer, about 1:30am in the morning. You cannot kiss alone.

You may be able to eat alone, watch a movie alone, play golf alone, even have sex alone... but you cannot kiss alone. Yes, you can make a hickey on your arm, and if you are really flexible, you can even make a hickey on your shoulder... but you cannot kiss alone.

The intimacy involved, the hot breath, the touching, the passion behind a kiss cannot be imitate if you do it by yourself. And that I find, my friend, is the thing I miss the most when I am alone...

Alone...

What kind of things you cannot do alone? After a quick survey with friends, some can't eat in restaurant alone, some can't watch movie alone, some can't shop alone, and I cannot do any of the above alone.

What is it with me and not being able to perform alone? I remember hearing it from Ally McBeal, "Being happy is easy and being lonely isn't". I see myself as a person who can be cheerful in front of the others, but I enjoy my alone times. And when I am alone, I don't do much, no restaurant, no movie (maybe DVD rentals), and no shopping...

What do I do alone? Writing blog? :)