Its like a dream

It was like a dream, one day I wake up, there is a crying baby in the other room. 

Haven't even set the goals for 36, and here we are after 37, with a baby.  What is there to set as goals?  No time for me to think.

The fast forward button has been pressed, and there is no pause.  It will be painful and it will be exciting, and the best is yet to come.

If its a dream, either good or bad, I don't want to wake up yet.

Being a dad

Ms cake is having a boy, it came with certain joy and dread.

When growing up in taiwan, my father has been somewhat invovled.

I remember him taking my brother and I to hiking.
I remember train rides from grandparents house and he was really patient with me being annoying, crying about being hungry the whole 4 hours. 
I remember my father cried because I stole. 
I remember my father hit me when I did poorly in class exams.
I remember the nights when I couldn't sleep because of nightmares, I crawled out my bunk bed and looked at my father a room away, I saw him dozing off while reading newspaper at his desk, I would whisper "dad", hoping he could hear me.

Then, I moved to Canada.

I remember his care package, filled with computer gaming magazines, and other stuff, every month.  Sometimes written letters from him.

For the most part of teenage years and adulthood, my father hasn't been around.

That is the part that worries me.  If ms. cake is having a girl, it will be a fresh start, I wouldn't know how to be a dad to a girl anyways.  With a boy, however, I worry.  I worry that what the relationship I have with my dad will be there between my boy and me...

I don't know Gino

Gino Odjick has recently been diagnosed with a terminal heart condition, and he might have only a few weeks left.  The support from public has been nothing short of amazing.  Hundreds of fans actually went to the hopsital and chatted Gino.

I have to say, I don't know Gino at all.  Back in 1990, when he was drafted, he wasn't the scoring winger, not the defenseman, but an enforcer.  Someone who has to start and finish fights.  Someone who requires the least skill as a hocky player to win games.  Enforcers are also known to be itimitating assholes, their fists usually earn most of their NHL salaries.

Gino, like other enforcers, were feared on the ice, became good buddy with Pavel Bure (who I actually recognise).  Unlike most enforcers, or Pavel in most cases, he is said to be a person with great heart off the ice.

He spends lots of time in the community where he came from, never forgetting his aboriginal root.  He is loved by most reporters because he is polite and bilingual. 

To this day, not many people can hear their names been chatted in a hockey game.  In Gino's case, it was extra special, because he is not an amazing hockey player.  Fans chatted Gino because he is an amazing person...

鋼筆

我現在手上有一隻ebay買的鋼筆, 仿Montblanc的starwalker, 才六塊加幣, 另外又買了六塊加幣的墨水, 這一切都是滿足我年輕時的回憶.

在出國前, 我是台灣的國中生, 每天就是上課下課, 考試又考試, 無聊得很, 同學有天帶了支鋼筆來學校. 那個同學是個品學兼優的好學生, 寫的一手好字, 當然, 我就有了喝劉德華代言的茶會比較帥的心態, 被這新奇的玩意給吸引.  雖然鋼筆已經沒有幾十年前高貴, 但對只有不太多零用錢的我, 幾百塊錢台幣的原子筆代用品真的很高貴.

於是我常常趁晚自習之前的晚餐時間, 在學校附近, 夜市裡的金石堂閒逛, 看那其實也不是名牌, 但也是擺在玻璃櫃裡的鋼筆們.

終於有一天, 鼓起了勇氣, 買了一隻非常陽春的鋼筆, 不銹鋼筆身, 細細長長比較像原子筆, 要嫁好像是八九百元.

鋼筆其實沒原子筆好寫, 墨水麻煩, 又容易壞, 不耐摔, 但寫出來的字跡有鋼筆的特色, 墨水隨筆畫有深有淡.

我開始練習用鋼筆寫字簽名, 還為了省墨水錢, 自己買大瓶的墨水慢慢用, 還調配紫色的墨水來用.  寫了一陣子的鋼筆, 我的字還是很醜, 現在有像手上中國製的超便宜鋼筆, 鋼筆也不稀奇了, 但我永遠記得在金石堂買我第一支鋼筆的感覺, 第一次握在手中直到他發燙的溫暖.

Bye bye dear old friend

Toby was my roommate for 7 years, I have seen her been good, been bad, and got old.  Cannot believe she is that old now.

I remember the time she hangs out with me in the living room, watching tv with me, bugging me by pushing my shoulder with her paws.  I didn't know back then she needed to go out of the house to pee.

Then, there was the howling before meals.  She was chubby, so she was not allowed to eat alot, but she ate fast, licked her bowl clean.

There was the time when we found a nest of young birds dropped from our roof.  We syringe fed each of them until they were big enough to fly out.  None of them came back to visit us, except the youngest one. 

One day we saw the young bird sitting in the lawn waiting for us to see it.  And then Toby went after the bird.

Maybe Toby was trying to play with the bird, maybe it was her hunting natural.  Either way, the young bird was a dead bird after a few hours of suffering after we rescued it from Toby's paws.

I remember how Toby ungracefully dragged her ass on carpet, I remember how every time I tried to take her out for a walk she would aimlessly walk in front behind besides me, sniffing everything around her like it was the first time she went for a walk.  She was a tough dog to walk.

I think I am going to miss her.

Time really really flies...

It felt like yesterday, when Sidney Crosby scored the winning goal.  I looked down from a second floor pub at a Sunday noon.  People came out of their houses and filled the streets.

They chanted "go canada go", they sang Oh Canada. 

It was 2010, and I remembered asking myself why we don't see that in Taiwan?  Why is there always political fighting, why is there always blue and green. 

Its 2014 now, with winter olympics on TV, still the same situation, seeing news of taiwanese tourists misbehave in Japan airport.  It makes me wonder, where is Taiwan heading to?

老男人

兩個年過三十五的老男人, 座在漁港旁的咖啡廳, 聊政治, 談經濟, 小孩, 房子, 車子, 工作, 聊著聊著, 時間又過了大半天, 我們都還有多少過去的回憶, 有多少未來的夢想?

為什麼

小時候總會問為什麼, 為什麼天是藍的, 為什麼要睡覺, 為什麼念書, 為什麼要聯考, 長大了還是問為什麼, 為什麼要考駕照, 為什麼要喝酒, 為什麼要結婚.  可以想像問為什麼的同時, 腦中有不同的想法, 眼裡有被啟發的渴望.

直到有一天, 發現自己已經不再問為什麼, 接受社會就是這樣, 人就是這樣, 天空就是藍的...

Birthday goals 36

When I started this blog back in 2005, one of the first things I have done was the 5 year goals and 1 year goals.  I think I need to set another set of goals before I hit 40...

There was a time

There was a time when one was young and restless, believing everything is possible.  Then he grows up with people telling him what is not possible, and showing him the limitations.

Then he transforms, from a bouncy bird just learnt how to fly, exploring the world.  One day, he is an old rooster.  

Where were you at 25?

I went out with Ms cake's UBC friends last weekend.  They were all Ms cakes's age all in their late 20s.  One girl complained about her boyfriend in his 25, she said he doesn't know what he wants to do in life yet.

Then, one girl turned to me and asked me, "what were you doing when you were 25?"

25, that was 10 years ago, I was still working in Manulife, my first job, maybe promoted to be a marketing specialist.  Have I had my 30k annual income yet?  Cant remember.

25, where was I in life?  I was involved in a lot of community works, TYPEABC, emceeing at Taiwanese Cultural Fesival.  I might be in my second relationship.

25, I was stuck in a career mud, the job didn't pay well, I wasn't learning much.  But I had fun going to clubs, owning my first car, living with roommates.

I was a man not ready to be a man when I was 25, like my friend said back then, I was too young to know everything, but not too old to learn.

25, it was a good age.

"Marry You" - Bruno Mars

It's a beautiful night,
We're looking for something dumb to do.
Hey baby,
I think I wanna marry you.

Is it the look in your eyes,
Or is it this dancing juice?
Who cares baby,
I think I wanna marry you.

Well I know this little chapel on the boulevard we can go oh oh oh,
No one will know oh oh oh,
Oh, come on, girl.
Who cares if we're trashed got a pocket full of cash we can blow oh oh oh,
Shots of patron,
And it's on, girl.

Don't say no, no, no, no-no;
Just say yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah;
And we'll go, go, go, go-go.
If you're ready, like I'm ready.

Cause it's a beautiful night,
We're looking for something dumb to do.
Hey baby,
I think I wanna marry you.

Is it the look in your eyes,
Or is it this dancing juice?
Who cares baby,
I think I wanna marry you.

I'll go get a ring let the choir bells sing like oooh,
So what you wanna do?
Let's just run girl.

If we wake up and you wanna break up that's cool.
No, I won't blame you;
It was fun, girl.

Don't say no, no, no, no-no;
Just say yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah;
And we'll go, go, go, go-go.
If you're ready, like I'm ready.

Cause it's a beautiful night,
We're looking for something dumb to do.
Hey baby,
I think I wanna marry you.

Is it the look in your eyes,
Or is it this dancing juice?
Who cares baby,
I think I wanna marry you.

[x2:]
Just say I doooooo-ooo uhu,
Tell me right now baby,
Tell me right now baby, baby.

Oh, it's a beautiful night,
We're looking for something dumb to do.
Hey baby,
I think I wanna marry you.

Is it the look in your eyes,
Or is it this dancing juice?
Who cares baby,
I think I wanna marry you.

Saying goodbye

We have never been taught how to say goodbye.  But I have been doing a lot of that lately.

With family and friends from oversea for our big day, I have to send them away one by one.  Goodbye to good friends and family always happen very sudden.  It is like stopping in mid sentence.

You are not sure where to start again, so you just nod, wave, and say your goodbyes.  Looking at their faces, you sudden realize that they came for you, but there is very little you can do to have them around forever.

Same with saying goodbye to my youth, my single life.  It just happened, no preparation, no warnings...

Life is unpredictable

I have met Kevin a few times, but I don't know Kevin well.  He was a chiropractor, kind of quiet, reserve, but very helpful.  When I got in a car accident, he msg ms. cake regarding things I should  be careful with.  He was one of the few good men.

He was married last year, being 3 years young than me.  It was a shock to learn that he had suffered a heart attack while napping last Sunday and passed away.

The news spread fast, and condolences streams in on his Facebook account.  I learnt that he was a baseball player on weekends, a very good shortstop, and obviously loved by many.

It sucks that I got to know him better after he passed away.

Kevin, I wish I had known you better when you were around.  But your story told me a good lesson.  Enjoy life and be good to people around you...

人生旅途

早上四點半, 剛從台灣回來怎麼樣都睡不著. 很多感覺就趁精神脆弱的時候冒了出來. 

這次回去是爲了拍婚紗及訂婚, 有很多人沒見, 有很多地方沒去, 有很東西沒吃, 但天氣太熱, 什麼事都不想做, 還來一個發高燒, 還因為高燒這輩子第一次打點滴. 

感觸最深的還是遇到的人與事, 在往台北的路上遇到從美國OREGON, 第一次到台灣玩的美國妹, 對台灣有極大的興趣. 

過了兩天, 吃早餐遇到從尼加拉瓜來台灣三年的生意人, 談到在台灣做生意的甘苦, 他說台灣人做生意就只有在比價錢, 看誰比較便宜. 

見到兩個成家的好朋友, 雖然都一樣, 但都表現成熟的多, 對自己與未來的多少有點把握. 到是見到了親戚, 一個個白頭, 年紀都大了, 尤其是祖母, 因為腎病, 瘦得都認不出來. 堂弟們好幾個結婚, 看伯母驕傲的樣子, 這就是長輩年紀大最在意的東西. 

與蛋糕姐姐家人相處, 開始了解家族的不同與習性. 很幸運的, 兩方家人都給予了許多的幫助. 有時想起, 父母都六十幾了, 我都三十多歲的人, 真不應該還要家人的幫助, 早該三十而立了.

 這旅途好像人生, 看到了各個人生的階段. 炎熱夏天的台北, 我已經很難體會小時後背著書包上課, 那是什麼感覺...