My turn

The big day is coming, though still many months away, but it is coming.

I have been in many pre-wedding meetings, talking about the schedule, the colour, the seatings, the little things. The newly-weds were usually overwhelmed by many many little decisions they have to make. Some would take charge on everything, some would let others decide, but all were a little confused and excited.

And it is my turn now...

Is timing everything?

My wedding seasons are over, baby seasons are coming. Many of my close friends are pumping out their first-borns. Every social gathering I go, there are babies or baby talks. I know I have lost many more friends to the D list, the friends' with kids list. Their lives will be dedicated by the schedule of their kids, and I will miss them

Among these good news, my company, place I spent my last 6 years, have been sold to another company. It is a huge change, as I thought I have finally found a place I want to be, and have finally settled down...

I have always wonder, is timing everything?

When is the best time to do what?

To buy a house, to go back to school, to go to the next vacation, or maybe to pop the question?

I think, in my life, I have been asking too many timing questions, and I have decided to pop that question, in this beautiful messy time. Perhaps, this is the best time to ask,

"Will You Marry Me?"

不勸

也許, 受了劉墉的影響, 也許, 年紀有點了, 也許, 沒有閒情逸致了. 有時看見朋友們在浪費自己已經沒有的青春, 談他們自己都知道沒有結果的戀愛, 我沒辦法阻止, 也不會阻止, 有時還送上祝福, 加上一句, 如果需要我收拾你破碎的身體, 再來找我.

這不是諷刺, 這是真心的祝福, 也許, 他們真的會有好的結果, 如果硬勸, 無論他們有沒有長長久久, 朋友都難做.

有時做朋友的, 也要忍耐朋友做傻事的能耐, 以及作處理善後的準備.

感情良民證

有位女性朋友這個月結婚, 所有事情都自己參與, 但反而在伴娘這關一個頭兩個大.  懷孕的不行, 要結婚的不行, 已結婚的不行, 離過婚的不行, 不想結婚的不行, 私生活太亂的不行, 太肥的不行, 不熟的不行, 太公主的不行, 搞了半天, 好像是她要找老婆一樣.

我與其中一位幸運入選的伴娘開會, 也聊到她的感情生活, 她也有自己的麻煩, 談的來的不見得適合, 適合的又不來電, 適合又談的來的又有一堆情感包袱.

我開始覺得, 是不是感情世界也要有所謂的良民證, 這跟好人卡不同, 感情良民證是給想要穩定感情生活的男女們使用.  無不良紀錄, 像是破壞其他人家庭, 劈腿, 打人, 罵街, 恐嚇... 或是有案底, 但已服過刑, 並有改過自新.

看來, 有良民證的人並不多...

空姐 六師

在台灣, 有些對女性的價值觀是在國外不能接受的, 就像綜藝節目裡看事業線, 虧老妹...

在工作的時候  我電視看得多, 常看見網路婚姻介紹公司的廣告, 看得出來是偏女性觀眾, 通常是一對看起來很幸福的男女接受訪問, 講她們認識或求婚的經過.

這次在台灣也看了不少電視, 也看到網路婚姻公司, 叫月老銀行, 我一開始還以為是金融界的廣告, 看了兩次才看出來.  廣告很簡單, 黃字黑底, 幾個大字, "空姐 六師", 什麼是六師? 又看了兩次, 原來是老師, 會計師, 精算師... 一類的專業, 看來也是針對女性的廣告, 下一個畫面, 還是黃字黑底, 保證六個月找到對象, 要不然六個月免費...

這讓我想起以前某個台灣報導, 最好嫁的職業, 不外乎是老師, 護士, 空姐, 那些愛情動作片裡的女主角職業. 看來, 台灣某些層面, 還真的非常現實.

Perfect 8

When I was single, group C married couples will always try to hook me up with single girls.  "Try" is the operative word, they will only probe you with questions like, "you like long hair?", "you like teachers?", "you like girl with no car?"... then, I would wait and wait for them to set a blind date... and nothing happens.

Of course, married couples have other priorities.  So, when they ask again, I would just politely tell them that I am not ready.  When I am ready, I would tell them that I need more time just to stop them from asking those silly questions.

There was this one time however, a married dude asked me, hey I have a cute single friend I can introduce to you.  I asked him to tell me more, he did a pretty crappy job at describing the girl (she is nice, is a good girl...), then he concluded that she is a 8, as in 8 out of 10.

Then I said, "get me a 10!"  He never tried to hook me up again.

I thought about this conversation a few days ago, and I thought, who am I to pick a 10 out of 10?  I am not a 10!

Good Luck James - part 2

連續兩餐都是和最近結婚的好朋友吃飯, 不知怎麼想起自己幾年前寫的good-luck-james, 算算自己又老了幾歲, 又多了幾位結了婚的前女友, 現在只剩一位...

這個魔咒大概要到我自己結婚才會停止.

有時會想, 這些與我分手不到一年就結婚的前女友們, 到底是生理時鐘到了, 還是, 已經體驗過最差的男人, 見到好一點的男人就趕快訂終生, 好像股票止跌回升就馬上出售.  這是比較賤的朋友說的. 會安慰的朋友就說, 是因為她們錯過了最好的, 見了還不錯的男人就趕快訂終生.  好像股票過了高峰開始下跌, 就趕快賣出一樣.  

無論如何, 她們都過得幸福, 才重要, 至少, 我有些安慰...

The flower boy

On the most recent wedding, my best friend pointed at the flower I was wearing and asked, "how many flowers have you worn?".

For each wedding I have helped, I got to wear a flower, usually a rose on my chest.  To be honest, I don't remember how many I have worn.  On the list of things I have done in weddings, I have been the bestman, groomsman, videographer, emcee, setup, usher, sorta wedding planner, driver...

The only jobs I haven't done are probably pianist, photographer (will get to do that next month though), makeup artist, and bride's maid...

I kept some of the flowers, but after a few, I just couldn't remember whose weddings they belong to.

Weddings are fun, not just to attend, but to be part of it, the controlled chaos.  Between wine and flowers, applauses and slides, there are the newly wed, holding hands, and that is the closest thing to total happiness, and that is why I wear the flower.

The Killarney Saga

A friend said the guys from Killarney are weird.   He was right, a few years back, we were all unmarried, still playing video games. 

Things have changed though, 4 guys from Killarney are getting married in September and October, all in Vancouver.  Which means the weird guys from the east side are getting hitched in an amazing pace.  

Good for us!  I say!

Kayaking marriage

My friend and her husband just came back from a 3 hour kayaking tour.  Ms. Cake asked her how it was.

She said it was exhausting, all the paddling with and against the current.  She wanted to quit a few times but knowing that her husband won't be able to paddle the kayak by himself, she soldiered on and survived...

Ms. Cake told me about the conversation and commented that it is a perfect metaphor for marriage as well.  The couple is on the same boat, with clear goal in mind, one cannot quit because the boat won't go anywhere with just one person paddling.

Beautiful analogy, I said, and I added, "they should have fun and enjoy the scenery on the way to their goal as well".  Like my married friends.

其實我很不浪漫

最近不知道怎麼了, 面書上出現了一堆為女人寫的文章, "其實你不懂女人", "女人只要你的溫柔", "男人必看"... 光是看名字就很反感了.

今天早上, 看了女王的文章, 叫"他很不浪漫", 要不我拜讀過女王的文章, 我會把它當作靠腰文跳過去, 但女王至少還是兩性作家, 應該不會太靠腰.

看了以後, 就明白男生和女生成長的歷程, 曾經自己也是扮浪漫的小男生, 寫歌, 送花, 溫暖接送情. 不知道什麼時候開始, 會被罵, 被嫌, 不夠浪漫, 像根木頭.

其實, 我很不浪漫, 很少買花, 很少稱讚, 很少擺闊, 但我省下來計畫以後...

An ad that makes one cry

New ad from Sony

This song is 15 years old by My Little Lover... such a great love story

歌手：JUJU
原唱：My Little Lover
作詞：KATE
作曲： 藤井謙二・小林武史
歌名：Hello,Again～昔からある場所～
　　　Hello, Again~從以前就存在的地方~ 


いつも 君と 待ち続けた 季節は
何も言わず 通り過ぎた
雨はこの街に 降り注ぐ
少しの リグレットと罪を 包み込んで
總是與你一起等候的季節
無言地 就這麼過去
雨 落在這座城市 
包覆了 些許的悔恨與罪


泣かないことを 誓ったまま 時は過ぎ
痛む心に 気が付かずに 僕は一人になった
就在絕不哭泣的誓言裡 時光逝去
當作痛的心不曾察覺時 我成了孤獨的一個人


「記憶の中で ずっと二人は 生きて行ける」
君の声が 今も胸に響くよ それは愛が彷徨う影
君は少し泣いた? あの時見えなかった
「在記憶裡 我倆可以永遠一起活下去」
你的聲音 如今迴盪在心底 有如愛情徬徨的身影
你是否也有些許的哭泣? 當時我沒能看清楚


自分の限界が どこまでかを 知るために
僕は生きてる訳じゃない
探索自己的極限在哪裡
那並非我活著的目的


だけど 新しい扉を開け 海に出れば
波の彼方に ちゃんと"果て"を感じられる
但是只要推開新的一扇門 來到大海
就可以清楚感覺海浪的彼方 有"盡頭"的存在


僕は この手伸ばして 空に進み 風を受けて
生きて行こう どこかでまためぐるよ 遠い昔からある場所
夜の間でさえ 季節は変わって行く
我要伸長手 朝天空前進 迎風而行
總會在某處再次遇見 那早已存在的場所
即使是夜晚 季節也不曾停止轉換

雨は やがて あがっていた
雨 終於停了


「記憶の中で ずっと二人は 生きて行ける」
君の声が 今も胸に響くよ それは愛が彷徨う影
君は少し泣いた? あの時見えなかった
「在記憶裡 我倆可以永遠一起活下去」
你的聲音 如今迴盪在心底 有如愛情徬徨的身影
你是否也有些許的哭泣? 當時我沒能看清楚

Freedom is overrated... sometimes

A guy friend who is about to get married admit to me that he is a little scared.  He said he has been by himself for  all these time, it will be hard to adjust to a non-single life.

I told him that the freedom he is afraid to lose was never there in the first place.

My friend looked puzzled, so I continued.

"Just imagine how your friend will be different, will you be hanging out with different friends?  Will you be doing different things if you are single?"

More then likely you won't, if you are a person who are used to watching PPS at home, you will still do that, if you are a person who plays basketball with your friends, you will still do that.  The illusion of a "choice" if you are single is just an illusion, because if you are not that person who does other crazy things, that is just not you.

Freedom is overrated... sometimes...

話從前...

這幾次與朋友的聚會變得有點奇怪, 好像大家聚起來都是在話從前, 說誰的是非.  那感覺很難形容, 好像自己的某個部分被質疑, 或是被攻擊, 最主要是朋友的討論到結果, 就是問我, "你為什麼要跟他要好?", 我還不知道怎麼回答好.

但他們的遭遇已經算好了, 而且他們也是用了相當長的時間, (這些是當年被我割地賠償的朋友), 才知道當年的我是什麼感覺.

但說得越不是, 我並不覺得越開心, 反而覺得自己的過去某種程度上被否定.

也許, 我應該要開心, 朋友還是朋友, 他們也是希望我過得好... 但可以不要再恭喜我解脫了嗎? 那已經是好久以前的事了, 可以恭喜我有新的開始!

新郎平均年齡33.9歲

週末的時候, 在msn上遇到父親, 跟他報告今年底會回台灣參加好朋友的婚禮, 順便報告他兒子也老大不小了, 父親說不會阿33歲在台灣很受歡迎. 隔天早上就收到他的來信...
-------------------------------------------------
在台灣新郎平均年齡33.9歲

結婚人數減　初婚年齡創新高
2010-06-27
新聞速報
中央社
晚婚現象明顯，內政部統計，去年平均初婚年齡新郎31.6歲、新娘28.9歲，均較民國97年增加0.5歲，是歷年新高。去年初婚人數大幅減少，40年來首度跌破20萬人。

若統計去年結婚者年齡，包含初婚與再婚，去年新郎平均年齡33.9歲、新娘為30.3歲，與97年比較分別增加1歲及0.8歲。

去年實際結婚對數11萬6392對，較97年大幅減少3萬2033對。內政部分析，主要是去年適逢經濟不景氣、失業率提高以及孤鸞年，降低結婚意願所致。

內政部觀察，去年結婚人數大幅減少，主要是初婚人數驟降所致，屬於初婚的新郎及新娘40年來首度雙雙降至10萬人以下。

去年女性人口的初婚率為千分之27.6，較男性的千分之25.3高出2.3個千分點，兩者分別較97年驟減9.1及10.7個千分點。

國人越來越晚婚。去年平均初婚年齡新郎為31.6歲，新娘28.9歲，均較97年增加0.5歲，創新高紀錄。其中新郎以30至34歲者3萬5280人占36.94%最多，新娘以25至29歲者4萬3275人占43.75%最多。

去年結婚新人，新郎及新娘均為台灣籍者占81.3%，一方為大陸及港澳地區者占11.3%，一方為東南亞國籍者占4.8%，其他國籍者占2.5%。

觀察去年的再婚情況，平均再婚年齡新郎為44.7歲，新娘38.4歲，分別較97年增加1.2歲及1歲，也是創新高紀錄。女性再婚率僅千分之9.4，仍遠低於男性的千分之24.1，但男性再婚率已呈逐年遞減現象。

內政部分析，近年來女性再婚率約為男性的4成，未滿30歲女性再婚率雖高於男性，但35歲以上年齡組的離婚或喪偶女性再婚率遠不及男性，且隨年歲的增加落差愈大。
-----------------------------------------------------------

雖然知道是好意, 但感覺是壓力(只剩一年多?), 尤其知道我的大堂弟明年要結婚,.  仔細讀過壓力更大, 33.9歲有包括再婚的... 初婚(新名詞)年齡為31.6歲.... 哎呀.... 其實, 我父母算給的壓力小了, 母親不愛小孩, 不贊成婚姻, 父親不表示意見, 只有祖父母比較有期待.  知道了, 但這事, 不急...

Blessed...

Ever since I started dating Ms. Cake, my friends have been very happy for me. Of course, my policy has always been pretty open book on my own relationship. They know how things are going, usually.

As of recently, my friends have been updated that things have become official, I get a lot of "congratulations!" from friends, maybe it is because they like Ms. Cake. Or, maybe, it is because it has been a really long time for me. One of my best friend commented, "it must have been your longest single break", I counted 1.5 years, longest since 1996.

Some friends kept on asking, "you must be so happy!"...

YES I AM!

Ms. Cake is worth the wait, even though I am not into sweet...

給親愛的c咖朋友

請不要誤會, 我不是討厭你們, 只是你們的生活重心跟我不大一樣, 另一半比較重要, 也不是代表我們不再是朋友, 我覺得你應該多花時間與另一半計畫未來. 所以, 我不會因為你們放我鴿子, 玩無聊的home趴遊戲, 抱怨另一半, 一直給我看小孩/小狗照片而不開心.

其實, 我是羨慕你們的, 你們在人生的另一階段, 所以, 如果有困難, 還是可以讓我知道.

不過, 要提醒你們, 現在的離婚率那麼高, 你們的婚禮我大概也都有參與(如果不是我主持的話), 不要忘了當時的承諾, 祝你們百年好合!

是水還是樹?

有個心理學家是這麼說的, 兩個人的相處可以向兩滴水, 或是兩棵樹, 兩滴水的人可以融在一起, 時時刻刻不分離, 你的手機是我的, 我的內褲你也可以穿. 兩棵樹的人, 就需要各自的空間, 才能呼吸, 才能成長.

講的很有理, 但這是不是代表一滴水和一棵樹, 沒辦法在一起? 水可以灌溉樹, 不是很好嗎?

選什麼？

第一門風
第二祖公
第三秀才郎

以前臺灣選女婿的條件

兩朵花的故事

十幾年前, 我在開課教折紙玫瑰時,認識了兩朵花.

多年後, 一位已經有穩定的工作,結了婚, 另外一位對自己的工作很不開心, 感情也沒有著落. 也許是她們的際遇不同, 有一點可確定的是, 十幾年前, 一位是容易開心的, 另一位是容易不開心的.

現在, 容易開心的還是開心, 容易不開心的還是不開心...