愛情勒戒所

自從幾個月前被人說是不負責任之後,我想我的愛情名聲應該有受不小的挑戰.有個朋友是直接說我是濫情...天阿,幾年前我是純情,後來是花心,現在變成濫情.

是的,我之前談戀愛中間的間隔都不長.是的,可能有幾段戀愛時間也不長.但至少我一次只愛一個吧,而且都很用力,幹麼說濫情?

朋友說,濫情是說了難聽點,我是只要別人喜歡,自己就栽進去了,好像很需要一樣.我覺得這是花癡吧?

回想,好像真的有這麼回事. 有的朋友覺得我好像很厲害,好像很容易就有新對象,其實也沒有,但只要對方對我有一點點好感,好像進行的就很快,我覺得這應該是"受人滴水之恩,必當湧泉回報". 我相信善有善報(不是每一次),感情的加溫就快.我也試過一追就追三年,苦苦的單戀,現在想,真是傻,但傻的可愛.

還是我的信心不足? 怕沒人愛? 只要有喜歡我的都不放過?

還是,休息一下好了....

喬克叔叔就是我

很多人都希望別人喜歡自己,方式都不一樣,有特殊才藝會替自己加分.我自己的方式就是搞笑,也不介意自己給別人笑,只要讓別人喜歡自己就好,久了就被人當作小丑,被當成不問重,或不重要,有時還很不習慣,尤其女朋友也用同樣方式看自己的時候.聽到喬克叔叔的時候,直接覺得一個非常貼切,最近越來越介意自己像小丑.

親愛的 別嚇到閉上了眼睛 小丑把戲 不是大家都可以
誇張眼影 藍色憂傷的淚滴 丟丟刀 噴噴火 踩高蹺吹笛
跌倒失手燒到眉毛我故意 哈哈你笑的開心我可是在玩命
撲克牌裡 我的肖像才一兩張 你看你看我的重要性

彩色的 大捲髮 紅鼻子 最滑稽 的步法 這樣的快樂你學會了嗎
用笨拙 又驚險 的雜耍 繼續對 你裝傻 所有的悲傷通通忘了吧

聽我說 拿出你的鈔票 笑平常買不到 先生小姐們趕快來 趕快來
再慢就看不到 座位沒剩多少 還能跟喬克叔叔拍 一張照

我只是 卑微的小丑 翻幾個跟斗 就等你拍一拍手
人群散了後 夜色多朦朧 月光也會跟著我
我不是 孤獨的小丑 你笑了之後 不需要記得我
燈熄的時候 滿天的星空 最明亮的是寂寞

下著雨 我躲在 面具裡 偷偷地 在哭泣 因為看了不能說的祕密
魔術師 我恨你 搶走我 的生意 別忘記 蝙蝠俠靠我才票房冠軍

聽我說 拿出你的鈔票 笑平常買不到 先生小姐們趕快來 趕快來
再慢就看不到 座位沒剩多少 還能跟喬克叔叔拍 一張照

我只是 卑微的小丑 翻幾個跟斗 就等你拍一拍手
人群散了後 夜色多朦朧 月光也會跟著我
我不是 孤獨的小丑 你笑了之後 不需要記得我
燈熄的時候 滿天的星空 最明亮的是寂寞
_______________________________

小丑是真的不被重視,真的寂寞.

If Today Was Your Last Day

Heard this song on the radio yesterday, Nickleback is not the type of band i listen to, but the lyrics in tis song requires some thinking. I think it is song with a lot of old sayings, but a good song.

my best friend gave me the best advice
he said each day's a gift & not a given right
leave no stone unturned
leave your fears behind
& try to take the path less travelled by
that first step you take is the longest stride

if today was your last day
& tomorrow was too late
could you say goodbye to yesterday?
would you live each moment like your last?
leave old pictures in the past?
donate every dime you had?
if today was your last day

against the grain should be a way of life
what's worth the price is always worth the fight
every second counts 'cause
there's no second try
so live like you're never livin twice
don't take the free ride in your own life

if today was your last day
& tomorrow was too late
could you say goodbye to yesterday?
would you live each moment like your last?
leave old pictures in the past?
donate every dime you had?
would you call those friends you've never seen?
reminisce old memories?
would you forgive your enemies?
would you find that one your dreaming of?
swear up & down to God above
that you'll finally fall in love?
if today was your last day

if today was your last day
would you make it up by mending a broken heart
you know it's never too late
to shoot for the stars
regardless of who you are
so do whatever it takes
'cause you can't rewind
a moment in this life
let nothing stand in your way
cause the hands of time are never on your side

if today was your last day
& tomorrow was too late
could you say goodbye to yesterday?
would you live each moment like your last?
leave old pictures in the past?
donate every dime you had?
would you call those friends you've never seen?
reminisce old memories?
would you forgive your enemies?
would you find that one your dreaming of?
swear up & down to God above
that you'll finally fall in love?
if today was your last day
____________________________

would you?

昏婚昏

今年是第二批朋友結婚的一年,最近的幾週末都是圍繞在誰跟誰的婚禮怎麼辦.休息一年沒有拿的主持麥克風,今年暑假之前就會拿不少次.不提其他想婚的人,在身邊的好朋友,和他們一個個計畫婚禮,我們那幾個不小心幫很多朋友的固定組合,有彈鋼琴的,有照相的,有主持的,自己是連個對象都沒有.

記得一個主持界的前輩在一個朋友的婚禮上對我說,"你要是當太多次主持,小心一輩子只能當主持".

主持是一份需要興趣和天份的工作,根據一份老調查,人最怕的東西不是死,而是在公眾場合講話.這差事就常常會是我扛,並不是往自己臉上貼金,畢竟作的多了,認識的人也想不到別人.

千萬不要以為主持很風光,真的主角畢竟是新人,需要坐立不安,飯也吃不好才是真的.以前拐我就範的朋友就會在婚禮前說會幫我介紹好女生一類的話,我還天真相信,直到婚禮當天,被安排在三等親友,或其他也沒法安穩吃飯工作人員的那一桌,偶爾回桌上,面對這輩子應該不會再見,或幾乎每次婚禮都見的同桌人,再遙望主檯的談笑風生,自己才明白,主持離真正幸福的距離是相當遠的.

其實,只要調適心理就可以了,人言"新人入洞房,媒人扔過牆",主持還不用等到入洞房就被扔到太平洋裡.婚禮結束後,可能有幾個認識的人過來稱讚幾句,不知多少是場面話,好話收下就好,不要回味太多. 如果有伴,大概已經被掛在一邊整個晚上要處理,如果沒伴,婚禮後主持心理的落差,再加上突然對自己一個人很敏感,那孤零零的感覺更加難受.

那為什麼還主持呢?其實那是對朋友的一種祝福,畢竟朋友開心,自己也會開心可以參與,那跟坐台下看的感覺完全不一樣.最重要的是,輪到自己的那一天,我也希望朋友圍繞著(希望他們沒有都已經攜家帶眷了).

我倒是想到一個問題,誰來幫我主持婚禮?

Breakfast at Tiffany's

If you ask me what are my favourite romantic movies of all time, "Breakfast at Tiffany's" will be near the top of the list. For those of you who haven't had the chance to watch this great film, please do watch it. Please be warned, however, it is very old, made in 1961 old.

The story is about this struggling young writer attracted to his neighbour upstairs, an eccentric young woman who cares about no one except her brother (not even her cat, which she named "cat").

Neither of them is perfect, actually, they were far from perfect. The man has a sugar mommy who pays him for sex, and the woman sleeps around (presumed) trying to marry a rich man.

Even from today's point of view, the story is very interesting, and the song "moonriver" defintiely pushes the movie to another level.

It is hard not to fall in love with Audrey Hepburn after you watch this film, even harder after you have also watched "Roman Vacation".

Back in 1996, there was a song by Deep Blue Something called "Breakfast At Tiffany's". The song was about a young guy trying to convince a girl that they have something in common to save their relationship. The only thing he can think of is actually, "Breakfast At Tiffany's".


You'll say that we've got nothing in common
No common ground to start from
And we're falling apart
You'll say the world has come between us
Our lives have come between us
Still I know you just don't care

And I said, "What about 'Breakfast at Tiffany's'?"
She said, "I think I remember the film,
And as I recall, I think, we both kinda liked it."
And I said, "Well, that's the one thing we've got."

I see you - the only one who knew me
And now your eyes see through me
I guess I was wrong
So what now? It's plain to see we're over,
And I hate when things are over -
When so much is left undone

And I said, "What about 'Breakfast at Tiffany's'?"
She said, "I think I remember the film,
And as I recall, I think, we both kinda liked it."
And I said, "Well, that's the one thing we've got."

____________________________________

btw, this post means that i now have more posts about songs than posts about relationships. yikes!

And now you know... the rest of the story

I have been pretty lucky to have a few friends who like my writing style. Although most like my writing in Chinese, some like my English writing as well. Very few know where the inspiration come from.

It is a radio host. The first time I heard him was when I was still in university, working my co-op program, it was a boring job with time slot from 5pm to 11pm. We couldn't really chat at our desks, so I started to listen to radio while working, back then, i didn't have an ipod.

There was one segment I really enjoy, it was called "the rest of the story", it was only about 5-10 min, an old dude would read a story, starting quite innocently, then it always ends with a twist that makes you say, "huh...", or "wow..."

I have spent about 4 months every weeknight waiting for his segment without actually knowing his name, until a few weeks ago. I googled "the rest of story", and found this person, born before WW1. The segment "rest of the story" was actually on air since WW2, and the old dude has just passed away this Feb.

This guy's name is Paul Harvey, inspiration for my English writing. Now you know... the rest of story...

葉子

葉子　是不會飛翔的翅膀
翅膀　是落在天上的葉子
天堂　原來應該不是妄想
只是我早已經遺忘　當初怎麼開始飛翔

＊孤單　是一個人的狂歡
　狂歡　是一群人的孤單
　愛情　原來的開始是陪伴
　但我也漸漸地遺忘　當時是怎樣有人陪伴

＃我一個人吃飯　旅行　到處走走停停
　也一個人看書　寫信　自己對話談心
　只是心又飄到了哪裡　就連自己看也看不清　我想我不僅僅是失去你

Repeat ＃　＊,＃,＃

葉子　是不會飛翔的翅膀
翅膀　是落在天上的葉子
________________________________
rest in peace 阿桑

面目全非

今天有機會到大統華樓上的food court上廁所,以前那裡有小歇亭的珍奶,財神爺的牛肉麵,忘掉名字的排骨飯,後來有永和豆漿...現在全部不見了,剩下角落的幾台本世紀初的遊戲機,和幾間一看就知道不會開久的中國地方小吃檔,樓下本來有以前中大學會光顧的金石堂,去年倒了...

大統華這個mall其實是一個管理很濫的mall,撐這麼多年事實上不容易,居然也曾經有過幾年的風光,有好多次我中午去都找不到停車位.

記得那牛肉麵是誰的最愛,那排骨飯是我的最愛,那珍奶是全溫第一間,常常當週末brunch的飯團,蛋餅加豆漿,只敢遠觀不敢買的超貴書籍,在那配過眼鏡,在那洗過照片...

那個food court是代表我中學大學的年代,現已面目全非,只能從回憶裡品嘗了.

You are My Sunshine

This Spring has been more like an extension of neverending winter. We need sunshine, I need sunshine!

This song is actually 70 years old country song, official state song of louisiana. Most ppl including me only know the first part of the song. Now, you know the rest of the song...

You Are My Sunshine

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.
You make me happy when skies are grey.
You'll never know dear, how much I love you.
Please don't take my sunshine away.

The other night dear, as I lay sleeping,
I dreamt I held you in my arms.
When I awoke dear, I was mistaken,
So I hung my head down and cried.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.
You make me happy when skies are grey.
You'll never know dear, how much I love you.
Please don't take my sunshine away.

愛說政治, 愛台灣...

台灣人犯政治,眾所皆知,而且已經完完全全的進入人民生活.黨有顏色,媒體有顏色,節目有顏色,明星有顏色,廣告有顏色... 所以如果你是綠色,你可以讀綠色的報紙,交綠色的朋友,聽綠色的電台,吃綠色的餐廳,看綠色的電視,喜歡綠色的明星,坐綠色的小黃,娶嫁綠色的對象... 可以完全的保持不染.

就算到國外,還是一樣,前一陣子的某台灣駐加國新聞組長亂講話,被砲轟之餘,可以看見所有的處理方式.很激動的24小時討論節目,上網去找支持自己的文章,反正說來說去就會說到從前.這也可以看出台灣人的大象心態,視力差,只看到眼前的,但記性又很好,可以隨時回到康熙年代.

但這並不表示顏色的立場是絕對的,因為只要有錢賺,不管是反攻大陸還是台灣獨立,可以去中國撈錢就去,到那不管藍綠,嫖賭都來,壓榨童工絕對不會比日本美國少.被中國人罵台XX就算了吧,我們看到的中國採購團在買一包包的凍頂烏龍茶(台灣哪有那麼多凍頂),我們又怎麼罵中國人阿X仔...

最近,到是有很多中國客人跟我說想去台灣,除了阿里山,日月潭,故宮之外,他們其實最想看到的是台灣的文化.我聽了很震驚,台灣有文化?他們說台灣的中國文化保持的比中國好,文革時候所產生的文化斷層是永遠不能挽回,政府做出來的文化都是有目的的新的東西,反而是台灣還看得見以前的中國,例如繁體字,沒學過繁體字的中國客人在看唐詩時非常吃力.

有位客人看了許多近代的台灣電影,對候孝賢之後的電影如數家珍,對台灣的人文有強烈的懷念感,因為她說,中國任近幾年錢賺多了,人們也浮躁,反而找不到一個文化的根,在台灣的電影還可以看到閑淡,很羨幕.另一位客人,因為工作去了台灣十來次,自己開車上山下海,從南到北,也是很喜歡台灣的文化.

聽了慚愧,因為台灣有一半的人希望另一半人消失,也沒有人去想我們可以保留的東西怎麼對大家都好.

給荺荺的信

荺荺,

好久不見了,昨天聽你說你要做今年的夏日新娘,說聲祝福妳.其實,我半年前就知道妳的好事,但朋友沒提,我也沒和妳聯絡,就這樣懸者.這祝福有點複雜,我們沒見有快六年了吧,一方面真的希望妳過得好,一方面會想起我們以前的時間.

和妳的分開,到現在還是一個疑案,電話上分手,還是一個經典.不論對錯,只能說你我都不夠認識對方.

之後的故事就不是那麼容易形容了,妳留在公司,感情的對象穩定,好像一切注定,真替妳高興.我自己則跌跌撞撞,雖然找到了自己想要的工作,或對象,發現維持才是努力的開始.

荺荺,我不知道你對我有多了解,但我的個性應該也曉得.當年對我的不信任感,不安全感,不知道會不會其他人也感受得到? 我真的很想知道,因為,妳之後的感情路越來越難走,也許你有答案?

有個朋友問我,是不是會想妳,是的,畢竟我們也走過那幾年的時間,就像一個不再連絡的好朋友,有點婉息.

我一直沒有謝過妳,當年把我從失去初戀的傷痛中找出來,雖然我們的開始並不容易,造成中間的問題,但我成長不少.從婚姻的逃兵到和妳一起看房子,從不想認識對方父母到為他們煮蓮子湯,我認真的考慮過我們的將來.也許沒和妳說過,也許不夠浪漫,也許也許...

知道你幸福就好,其他不再重要,沒說過的話也不用說了,也不一定需要當朋友.有過妳,我很開心...

欣欣

ps.我以前都叫妳均均,原來國語唸法還不一樣.

無樂不作

從來沒想過我這輩子有機會當主唱,在幾百人前表演,雖然是對嘴,但感覺還不錯.


無樂不作
曲: 范逸臣 詞：嚴云農

想蒐集夏天的熱 穿越叫 幸福的河
想做吞大象的蛇
不自量力 說真的 又有何不可
我想寫歌

當 天是空的 地是乾的
我要為妳 倒進狂熱
讓妳瘋狂 讓妳渴
讓全世界 知道 妳是我的

天氣瘋了 海水滾了
所以我要 無樂不作

不要浪費 每一刻 快樂
當夢的 天行者

像妳這樣的天使 該有翅膀和名字
該美麗中帶著刺 該很認真的屬於 我一次

當 天是空的 地是乾的
我要為妳 倒進狂熱
讓妳瘋狂 讓妳渴 讓全世界 知道 妳是我的

世界末日 就儘管來吧
我會繼續 無樂不作
不會浪費 愛妳的 快樂當夢的 天行者

要快樂 OH～

Country roads, take me home...

Living in cities all my life, I am not a big fan of country music, or should I say, I am not used to country music. First time I heard this song was in a company Koraoke, some co-worker in his 50s was singing this song. It was a good song. For people who dont listen to country music, you must have heard the chorus. This song is actually almost 40 years old, the singer and writer, John Denver, a country music legend died a while ago. But, boy these words is very suiting right now. In less than 20 hours, I will be on country roads... home...

Youtube

Almost heaven, west virginia
Blue ridge mountains
Shenandoah river -
Life is old there
Older than the trees
Younger than the mountains
Growin like a breeze

Country roads, take me home
To the place I belong
West virginia, mountain momma
Take me home, country roads

All my memories gathered round her
Miners lady, stranger to blue water
Dark and dusty, painted on the sky
Misty taste of moonshine
Teardrops in my eye

Country roads, take me home
To the place I belong
West virginia, mountain momma
Take me home, country roads

I hear her voice
In the mornin hour she calls me
The radio reminds me of my home far away
And drivin down the road I get a feelin
That I should have been home yesterday, yesterday

Country roads, take me home
To the place I belong
West virginia, mountain momma
Take me home, country roads

Country roads, take me home
To the place I belong
West virginia, mountain momma
Take me home, country roads
Take me home, now country roads
Take me home, now country roads

Finding Northern Light...

One thing about going to NWT that makes other people excited is the prospect of seeing northern light, aka Aurora Borealis. There are a few myths about them, 1) it moves, it is true 2) it makes a sound when it moves, it is also true 3) if a child is born under Aurora, the child will be king, that i don't know.

The first question I asked before I came up here was, "can i see the northern light?", the answer was no, because the first time I came up here was in the summer, and summer in NWT means sun setting around 12am, and rising around 2am. No time for northern light.

Plus, it has to be cold enough. Best time to see is actually from Jan to March. It is March now...

Yesterday, someone told me that there should be northern light last night/this morning around 12am to 2am. So, I woke up around that time.

Fully geared up, except my tuque and gloves. Brought my camera and flash light. I had no idea how cold it was out there, given it was -51c earlier yesterday. Forgetting tuque was a big mistake, i had my jacket hat up, it was no use, it was so hard to breath. I only managed to walk 50 metres, and had to turn back. It was windy, but wasn't that windy. It was just really really cold. When I came back from the 10 min walk. I was still shivering from the walk for the rest of the night. I had ski jacket, jacket, sweater, thermal underwear and t-shirt...

The walk, however, was magnificant. It was bright outside with an almost full moon, look at the mountains around the campsite, you can see the top of the mountain perfectly from the moonlight. The world is just frozen in place. Only the smoke coming out from buildings can remind you that you are on earth.

The northern light? Nowhere to be found, just the big almost round moon out there...

零下五十度慢談...

莫名其妙的,我又來到西北領域.是應該來一下的,但外面零下三十五的氣溫,加大風零下五十一度,正常人不會來吧.

兩天前從列治文出發,感覺像是要出國,整個飛機上,沒有一個說中文的.本以為,晚上十點往白馬市的人應該不多,結果是滿座.前後左右都是回家的育空人,有幾個還從哈立菲克斯,芝加哥,洛杉磯,再回白馬的.他們居然還說,再兩個小時多就可以到家,真好...我在旁邊聽了沒昏倒,有人會迫不及待的去零下三十幾的地方? 大概只有家,才會給人有這種期待.

剛到白馬,我在加國最低零下二十五的體驗就被打破了.叫了部小黃,還林肯的,司機說今天晚上還不錯,才零下二十七度...

和他閑聊一下,他說三年前,他的計程車行原有十六輛車,在高油價和爛經濟之後,只剩下他自己.我下車後,給了他五塊小費,希望對他有幫助.

隔天七點,我的司機就來載我,這司機已經從政府工作退休,享受退休金,還來開長程載人,好幾百公里...

不過他之前工作是急救人員,這趟車程是非常安全的.在途中還看見moose的殘骸,旁邊都是狼的腳印.除此之外,一望無邊的白雪.零下幾十度的外面,感覺上是很安靜的,好像世界是停止的.讓我想起捷克倫敦的書,小時候的最愛白牙...

九個小時半的車程,好不容易到了礦區,每個員工都在聊他們在墨西哥的假日,看那到七月都不會融的雪,好想家...